I woke up this morning and blogged a huge blog but had to leave for church and couldn’t finish it. It’s amazing how by the end of the day so much changes. I don’t even feel like posting it because I think it’s stupid. Or maybe it was just meant for me to blog and keep as a draft. Just a mental process.
Tonight was my first time back at Joshua House in a realllllllly long time. Like, I don’t remember the last time I was there because so much happened leading up to Swaziland that I couldn’t ever make it. I was kind of lukewarm about going because sometimes I feel like it tends to be more of a show and that was the last thing I wanted after spending a week in a third-world country. I walked in a few minutes late… to them playing my favorite song right now! The lyrics at the top of my blog actually belong to the song– “Your Love Never Fails.” This was really cool because I’m pretty sure they’ve rarely, if ever, played that song before. It was like I was being welcomed back. I immediately just had to worship. God knows me so well. He knows me better than I’ll ever know myself.
But it gets even better! Not that the service was outstanding or anything, but it’s amazing how much better it is when you are intentional about being there. Being intentional about prayer and about taking notes and about the words that I’m singing just totally made the service. I guess I didn’t understand that I wasn’t being as intentional before. Or maybe I wasn’t able to feel this way until I came back from Swaziland and had experienced things to be intentional about.
Tonight I’ve been really anxious. There’s just a lot coming up in the…. well, I would say next few weeks but there’s just a lot coming up in my life! Haha. I’m really trying to give everything over to God. I was sitting here trying to wrap my head around it all and I just gave up. I turned on some worship music–which I haven’t done in a long time!– And have just been blogging out my thoughts and letting Him consume me. It’s so much better this way. I could literally drive myself crazy and the crazy thing is I don’t have to! I don’t ever have to worry about anything (not saying that I won’t!) but I don’t HAVE to because Jesus went before me. He went before me and He’s with me and He follows after me. Either way I look at it, I’m covered.
What songs really speak to you? What can you just turn on and listen to and feel completely at peace?